The OP (a.okay.a “unique poster”) shared her story to Reddit’s Relationship Recommendation discussion board, saying that she obtained a name from the state police division asking about probably interviewing her about her ex-boyfriend’s “character,” as he had put her down as a reference.

The girl stated her relationship with the cop ended after he cheated on her with a lady he was “actively coaching,” and requested Redditors if she ought to reveal the reality to the division or ignore it and transfer on.

Learn on to see what went down and the way Redditors reacted.

OP defined the scenario, saying she’s a 27-year-old, who “bought a name from state police calling me to be reference” for her ex-boyfriend, additionally 27, “who cheated on me with an officer he was coaching.”

“Do I silently give no reference by by no means permitting them to get involved with me or do I inform them the reality?” she requested.

The girl defined that she had been pals with the person for six years, together with two years during which they have been housemates, earlier than they then dated for a yr in a half. She stated he was a cop in a “smaller ‘metropolis’ division” on the time.

She added that her relationship with the person “ended as a result of I discovered messages of him pursuing a lady who he was actively coaching 1-1 to probably be aside of their police division (he additionally had say on if she was certified sufficient to enter the dept- so a place of some superiority).”

OP additionally claimed that she discovered textual content messages he despatched to pals, during which they known as her “slurs,” though they didn’t have “any lively stress within the relationship.”

“It’s my hypothesis that this may occasionally have been to set himself as much as not look as outwardly just like the ‘dangerous man’ as I used to be utterly blind sided by this, contemplating we had a really lengthy standing relationship with out a lot resistance all through its entirety – so I couldn’t even start to justify it as frustration or emotionally charged phrases towards me,” she wrote.

OP stated her ex “will need to have lately utilized for a state police place and put me down as a former girlfriend, for which the dept simply known as me yesterday to interview me on his character.”

“Regardless of him not having probably the most outrageous purple flags like every type of bodily abuse, he was at a significant lack of integrity all through the whole thing of the connection, and displayed numerous manipulation ways even following precise proof of his relations with this lady,” she added, earlier than proposing her query to the discussion board.

“1- do I observe up this name with telling them we broke up on account of him having relations with an officer he was coaching?” she requested. “And a pair of- how a lot does this impression his skill to get the job? Lastly 3- what impression would it not have if I simply by no means reply?(which is what I’m presently leaning in direction of).”

“I haven’t got a vengeance out for this man, it has been nicely over 1.5 years because the incident and so I’m very emotionally eliminated, however I additionally don’t need to have him assume I’d defend him or his popularity ever, as I by no means even bought a mere apology for all of those happenings,” OP wrote. “What’s all people’s thought?”

Nearly all of Redditors appeared to induce OP to answer the police division’s inquiry, and inform them about her ex-boyfriend’s relationship with the lady he was coaching.

“Dude…inform them. Now we have sufficient sh–ty cops on the market. You’ve the facility to forestall one other,” a person wrote in a preferred remark, to which one other replied, “This is sort of a Smoky the bear service announcement: ‘Solely you may forestall s–ty cops’ .”

“If it have been me I’d allow them to know that he had a romantic relationship with somebody he was coaching. Ideally individuals like that should not be cops,” one other Redditor urged.

OP went on to share extra particulars in a sequence of replies to Redditors, saying that her ex-boyfriend continues to be in a relationship with the lady he cheated on her with and skilled.

“Former PO and coach right here. Completely report his romantic relationship together with his trainee. That could be a enormous integrity challenge. Who is aware of what he could do sooner or later if given entry to extra feminine recruits. Did his outdated job ever discover out?” a person requested, including, “Sorry you went by way of that, OP.”

The girl replied, giving extra info on her ex and his relationship — at the very least relating to what she is aware of.

“So it is attention-grabbing as a result of as quickly as I discovered about it I minimize all ties, so I’m unaware of the precise dynamics to observe. What I’m conscious of (per different officers girlfriends from the identical division) is that they’re totally in a romantic relationship now at present,” she wrote. “So, contemplating they each work for a similar division and are overtly in a relationship, I assume that this earlier job undoubtedly is aware of however I’m not certain anyone is aware of any particular particulars. .”

The Redditor responded, telling OP that her ex’s relationship together with his trainee “may have been hush hush to start with or the individuals in cost do not care until somebody recordsdata serial harassment criticism or sues.”

“It’s nonetheless a giant deal. Completely report it,” the person added, earlier than suggesting that OP “attempt to be as impartial about giving the information and do not put any spin on it. Current what proof you’ve concerning the affair whereas the rookie was in coaching and go away it at that.”

“Once more, sorry your ex was a d–khead,” they added.

One other person shared an analogous sentiment, telling OP that she must “inform them the reality in an unemotional state.”

“Write down what he did, i.e.: 1. Whereas ready of energy, he had an affair together with his trainee. 2. His phrase decided if the trainee obtained the job. 3. You discovered messages to his pals slandering you. 4. He tried gaslighting you, mendacity, manipulating the occasions after you found the affair and slandering.”

“You possibly can’t in all good aware give him a very good character reference,” the Redditor continued,  including, “Do not cuss, do not exaggerate. Be stone chilly, straight ahead along with your phrases and tone. I believe he gave you as a reference as a result of he figured you’d be too afraid to inform the reality.”

OP replied to the commenter, writing, “Your final bit there undoubtedly resonates with me – I had thought-about that as his thought as nicely.”

In the meantime, one other Redditor expressed a considerably totally different tackle the scenario.

“All they need to know is whether or not he hit you, pulled a gun on you or did any unlawful medicine whereas in your organization. No LE company goes to care that he known as you names and wasn’t a dream boyfriend,” they wrote. “Cops have astronomically excessive divorce charges so it is mainly understood that possibly they do not make one of the best companions. There is a distinction between issues which are unlawful and issues which are simply immoral.”

OP responded, telling the person that she “utterly agree[s] with this sentiment.”

“I suppose the factor that differentiates that is that he was dishonest with a lady he was coaching and had say on if she would move necessities to make it into the division or not,” she replied, admitting, “This thought course of is why I used to be additionally simply considering not answering.”

What do you assume?